A vida é uma selva. Lute por sua sobrevivência

Jay (or the wonderful life of Alex K. part 2)

It's 4:20 and after having sex all night she remembers something funny from early evening.
_Remember Carla?
_Carla...Carla... Nope.
_ Carla the ticket girl.
_ Hm... nope.
_ Works at the tube station, Jay!
_ I don't remember! Do I even know her?
_ I told her we're not having sex.
_ What? You...Why?Why????
_ I thought you said you didn't remember her...
_ I don't.
_ So it doesn't matter what I told her.
_ Course it does. It's about me!
_ It's not about you, it's about us.
_ Baby, are you trying to tell me you don't like the way I do it?
_ Do what?
_ What are we talking about, Alex?! Sex!
_ Oh, no, baby. I love the sex.
...
_ Then why did you say...
_ Wait. Yeah... you definitely don't know her... she was abroad for about a year, before we...
_ Whatever, Alex... Why did you tell her...
_ Oh, don't worry, it wasn't like that.
_ Like what?
_ Oh, you're not involved...
_ But...
_ No, I said I gave up sex.
_ But...
_ It's not a big thing...
_ Does she know you've got a boyfriend? And that person is...me?
_ No. Probably not.
...
_ Alex, why did you...
_ I don't know... wait. I do. She asked if I was a lesbian.
_ Is she lesbian?
_ Dont think so. Why?
_ She could be flirting...
_ Nah... she's no lesbian.
_ All right then
...
_ Ahn... so... why...
_ I don't know, Jay... I think it's because she nosy! She saw my pictures in my stupid website and called. "You seem to be enjoying your life" - she mocked her friend - You know it fucking kills me...
_ Are you?
...
_ What?
_ Enjoying your life?
...
_ Jay, do you find me weird? - she asked, with an honest, childlike experession.
He smiled - I think you're beautiful and I love you.
_ Can you hold my hand tonight?
_ Course. Are you ok, baby?
_ Yeah...

-------------------
São 4:20 e depois de transar a noite inteira ela lembra de uma conversinha interessante naquela tarde.
_Lembra da Carla?
_Carla...Carla... Não.
_ A que trabalha na bilheteria.
_ Hm... não.
_ Na bilheteria do metrô, J.!
_ Não lembro! Eu nem sei se eu conheço ela! Conheço?
_ Eu disse que a gente não transava.
_ O quê ... Você... Por que? Por que?
_ Nossa... e você disse que nem lembrava dela...
_ E não lembro mesmo.
_ Então não tem importância o que eu falei ou deixei de falar para ela.
_ É claro que tem! É sobre mim, né...!
_ Não é sobre você, é sobre nós!
_ Alex, vc tá tentando me dizer que não gosta do jeito q eu faço?
_ Faz o quê?
_ Do que é que a gente tá falando, Alex? Sexo!
_ Ah, não, eu adoro o sexo.
...
_Então...por que você...
_ Peraí. Eu acho que você não conhece ela mesmo... É... ela morou no exterior mais ou menos um ano.
_ E por que é que você disse pra ela...
_ Ah, não esquenta, Jay, não foi assim...
_ Assim como?
_ Ah, você não tá envolvido na estória.
_ Mas...
_ É que eu disse que eu tinha desistido de transar.
_ Mas...
_ É uma coisa á-toa.
_ Ela por acaso sabe que você tem namorado? E que essa pessoa sou eu?
_ Não. Provavelmente não.
...
_ Alex, por que é que você...
_ Não sei!... Não, peraí, eu sei. Ela perguntou se eu era lésbica.
_ Ela é lesbica?
_ Acho que não. Por que?
_ Ela podia estar de xavecando...
_ Nah...acho que ela não é lesbica não.
_ Mas então... por que...
_ Ah, sei lá, ela é tão enxerida! Ela viu minhas fotos naquela merda de site e me ligou: "Nossa, você parece que tá bem, hein?" - ela imitou a amiga
_ E tá ?
...
_ J., você me acha estranha? - ela pergunta, com uma honesta cara de criança.
Ele sorri. - Eu acho que você é linda e eu te amo.
_ Você pode dormir segurando a minha mão?
_ Claro... linda... vc tá bem?
_ Tô...

The wonderful life of Alex K.

A friend phones her to say: "You seem to be enjoying your new life.""Enjoying my life?! Life is enjoying itself on me! Life is drinking the whole fucking bar on me!"
_ Yeah - she ends up saying - Im kinda having fun.
_ Whatever... How about a party here next weekend?
_ Hm... are there gonna be any drugs?
_ No, just men.
_ Oh... sorry, I'm done with it.
_ What? Drugs?
_ And men.
_ What... are you a lesbian now?
_ No, i gave up sex.
_ You gave up sex?
_ I gave up sex.
_ I thought you liked sex, you were always bragging about...
_ Done, gone, over, finito. Gave up.
_ But I thought you said you were having fun...
_ That's where all the fun comes from.
_ ?
_ Lack of sex.
_ But sex is fun, Alex...
_ Well, that's what we let our senses tell us, but in fact, Carla, sex is just a primitive way to extend the stay of the human race on Earth. In other words, to procriate. And I don't want to procriate, Carla... do you? Do you?
_ No... I mean, yeah, not now but...
_ Then why all the sex, eh? EH?
_ ... _ Alex, you're weird.
_ I know.
_ So how about that party.
_ Sure. What time?
----------------------
Uma amiga telefona e diz que ela parece estar curtindo muito a vida que leva. "Curtindo a vida? A vida é que ta curtindo comigo... a vida ta curtindo todas comigo."
_ É... ela acaba dizendo - até que estou me divertindo.
_ É, tanto faz... Bom, que tal uma festa aqui em casa no próximo fim de semana?
_ Vai ter alguma droga?
_ Não, só homens.
_Ai desculpa, mas isso pra mim já era.
_ O quê, drogas?
_ Não, homens.
_ Por que... virou lésbica?
_ Não, eu desisti de sexo.
_ Desistiu de sexo?
_ Desisti de sexo.
_ Mas eu sempre pensei que você gostasse de sexo, você sempre botava banca que...
_ Desisti. Acabou. Já era. Foi-se.
_ Mas você não acabou de dizer que tava se divertindo?
_ É daí que vem toda a diversão.
_ ?
_ Abstinência de sexo.
_ Mas Alex... sexo... é bom, é divertido sabe...
_ Bom, minha querida, isso é o que nós deixamos que os nossos sentidos nos digam, mas na verdade, Carla, sexo é só uma forma primitiva que arranjamos de estender a estada da raça humana na Terra. Em outras palavras, procriar. E eu não quero pricriar, Carla... você quer, você quer?
_ Não... quero dizer sim... mas não agora!...
_ Então para que tanto sexo, hein, hein?
_Alex, você é estranha.
_ Eu sei.
_ E a festa, então?
_ Claro. Beleza. Que hora?

“A solidão dos homens tem a medida da solidão de suas mulheres”
Lya Luft

He’d been dreaming of this woman who would go on top of him and grow taller as she approached ecstasy. At some point, she couldn’t go higher unless she flew.
During the day his thoughts were with her. He’d read somewhere the story of a guy who had mysteriously grown wings. He didn’t know what to do with them until he had an orgasm with a new lover - at that moment, his wings spread and he found out that she had been lost with her wings too.
He wanted that. A woman who could only get higher if she flew – and took him with her. The warmth of her body would warm his insides, would melt his hips into hers and from then onwards, the pace of their lives would be dictated by the moves of their bodies, of what happened between their legs. The food would taste like her sweat and every drink would remind him of her cum. They’d hold each other’s hands in an attempt to hold life itself in its most violent manifestations. Life as it is, as it was in the beginning – skin, saliva, desire. No invented fears, no excuses, no mystical theories.
He didn’t want to be a man who held on to his wife because he had nothing else to hold on to.
He didn’t want a woman who’d hold on to him because she had nothing else to hold on to.
Above all, he wanted a woman who could see that.
Pamela… she was sweet. Sex with her was... relaxing. His fiancée was lovely and he cared about her, but he was afraid she would never grow wings. Was he being pretentious? Maybe she was right – plastic beauty and a little show in bed. That's the stuff that keeps things going, right? After all she was hot and he even liked the strip-tease shows (she took classes for that), but the shows and the contortions were there to keep the relationship alive. It wasn’t the relationship that was dying. It was him.
But he’d rather die than break up with her. They’d been together for 4 years and he knew she would be heart broken.
He remembered once telling her to run away with him. Live somewhere far, have a life they’d never thought of having. She seemed so worried that he regretted saying it. That night she wore new lingerie and he was afraid her contortions would give her aches the next day. They had sex once and he could swear she had faked that orgasm.
That night he dreamed of the flying woman again.
In the middle of a meeting, the next day, he was caught drawing a naked woman’s body on the cover of the weekly report.
_ You’d better not let it out, Marcus. You could be sued.
_ For what???
_ Sexual harassment. Suzy saw your drawing. Don’t make me fire you.
He went to Suzy.
_ You’re a perv.
...
So be it.
…
What’s wrong with you people???
….
He took the rest of the day off. Went to a bar. He was looking for her, but there was no sign of her wings. At home Suzy’s judgment kept echoing in his head. “You’re a perv.”
He’d act like one then.
………
He made love to Pamela as if she was a sex doll.
………..
She said it was “lovely”. Then he knew…and wondered how long she had been faking it. And for God’s sake… “lovely”?!?
It occurred to him that he was faking too.
_ Pam, I need to talk to you.
_ Oh, me too. I had almost forgotten – the invitations are ready.
_There will be no wedding.
_ Why???
_ Because I’m starting to grow wings.